Journey into The Void
The state of meditation eases my body, mind and soul. Alert relaxation guides my consciousness into unknown spaces as my awareness focuses on my breath.
Suddenly surrounded by pure utter blackness, my heart sinks into despair. Free-form floating, nothing to grasp, nothing to see. Nothing but terrifying Nothingness.
The nothingness clutches at my heart, my throat. I feel my chest caving in on itself.
My consciousness has left my body.
Nothingness surrounds me, and I am nothingness. I am nothing to see, hear, or feel. Just a point of singular awareness.
In a panic, I float, unmoored, untethered. Silence, deafening silence. No light, no structures, nothing to cling to.
I swivel myself in every possible direction, searching, yearning, seeking, for something to move towards, something to grasp, anything to attach myself to.
Screaming, shrieking, and yet no sound, and no one to hear the din. Just a silent point of invisible, undetectable Awareness. Nothingness in every direction. Free-form floating. And I float in the Void, heart sunk, helpless, it’s just me and the Void.
Upon Acceptance of my predicament, half of my consciousness returns to my body. I exist in this disconcerting, identity shredding split-state for ten days – my awareness half in my body, and half in the Void. A strange and disconnected experience. I amble around my life and my space, feeling the Thingness/No-thingness of every Thing I touch, of every Thing I contemplate, every engagement. They feel simultaneously solid and ethereal. My fingers sense the energy field of each object, thought, idea, concept, and relationship as it vibrates and fades into its own nothingness.
I care for my basic survival needs and drive to appointments, but deep conversation and computing information are beyond my ability. Contemplation of the Thingness/No-thingness of every Thing consumes my attention. When not engaged in mundane tasks the unending vastness of the Void looms as my focal point. Each moment in the Void I search for an exit. Growing increasingly concerned that this is my new normal, I wonder how life can be lived in this state.
Day ten arrives, and begins just like the previous nine days. At last I give up, I surrender. I surrender to the Void. The implosion of my heart and throat releases. I stop seeking the portal to home and resign myself to this shift in perspective. Like the sun burning through haze, freedom, expansiveness and bliss consume my awareness in an explosion. And just as soon as I surrender, I return to full awakening consciousness in this body.
Surrender.
The Void: Surrender and relief. Peace and contentment. Freedom and relaxation. Rest for the Consciousness. An utter release of focus or entrainment in anything regarding physical incarnation. Float, just float, nothing weighing on me or tying me down. Indescribable Bliss. I am able to return to the Void at will in any moment. What a wonderful gift of respite.
